Pritam's Blog
The Psychology Of Bragging About Having A Big Family - A Conversation
“Why do your parents keep on bragging about how big your family is?” She asked.
This isn’t new. My mom especially, from the very day I introduced her to my girl, never missed an opportunity to boast about our huge family. This has reached a new level ever since our parents were formally introduced.
“I think it has something to do with them belonging to a high caste family with an agrarian background,” I replied.
“I don’t understand… Agrarian background? When was the last time anyone from your family did anything remotely related to agriculture? And how is it even related?”
“The last few generations did nothing, except for kitchen gardens. But they do come from an agrarian background. Upper caste Hindus, by virtue of their position in this casteist society, had the right to own good, cultivable land. That’s how my parents come from an agrarian background, even if they have never been to the fields.”
“So, they are more agrarian than the ones who actually work in the fields? Just because they have land?” She chuckled.
“Yes, unfortunately. Anyway, in an agrarian society, one’s property is measured in terms of the land they own. This, in turn, is proportional to the power they have. Upper caste Hindus are powerful. Now, when they say they have a big family and tons of relatives, what they actually mean is - We are anyway powerful. Additionally, we are a closely knit group consisting of a huge number of members. This means, we have more land. We are more powerful. So, don’t mess with us. Respect us unconditionally.”
“Seriously? That’s what goes on in their head?”
“Well, that’s how things were in the old days. I think one of the reasons why inter-caste marriages, especially between very high and very low caste families, are not acceptable to many even today is this. The marriage doesn’t benefit the high caste family as there is little to no scope of multiplying your wealth. And even if the low caste family is wealthy, their relatives might not be. So, the power structure is broken.”
“I agree. This is especially true if it’s the groom who belongs to a high caste family. Because ours is a patriarchal society,” she said.
“Exactly!”
“So, the very foundation of this power structure lies in the fact that ours is a casteist, patriarchal, agrarian society. Basically, there are multiple issues of varying degree that contribute towards the overall problem.”
“Yes. Even though my parents are not into agriculture, the mindset hasn’t changed. The previleges of belonging to a upper caste family and the associated power structure are so ingrained in their psyche that they cannot help but show off. Probably, they are not consciously aware of what they mean when they say they are a big family but that’s exactly what goes on in the subconscious.”
“But isn’t it kind of cheap?”
“It is… I personally feel embarrassed about it. It’s like they are more proud of the atrocities they and their ancestors have committed as a group than their individual achievements, if any. Actually, if you consider the individual aspect, most of the people of this type don’t have much to show off.”
“True.”
“I am sorry…”
“For what?”
“Well… For everything. I just wish I had any say in my birth.”
“Me too. Wouldn’t it be great if there was a way to take consent from the one who is about to be born?”
The conversation that followed for the next two hours isn’t something relevant to this post.
But it feels amazing to be with someone you can have meaningful conversation with…