Pritam's Blog
The Matrimonial Malice
“Pritam, it’s high time you took life seriously”, advised a relative.
It was 2013. I had just started working as an engineer for Aircel. I had begun to enjoy my life at last-which meant buying books with my own money, going out with my girl whenever I wanted, writing and sketching without the tension of having someone stare at me like I was making a bomb. I loved my job and enjoyed going to office, as well. So, I was taken by suprise when the relative seemed worried about my future. I asked, bewildered, “Why? What did I do wrong?”
“You should be taking up more of responsibilities…You see, your parents are getting older.”
Both my parents are employed. And they didn’t require financial assistance from me. And I was just 150 km away from my hometown. I could go there anytime they needed me. I reminded her.
“No, no…You don’t get it. What I am saying is that you should get married, have kids and start on with your life.”
I wasn’t aware that it hadn’t started yet. I had always believed it started on 31st March, 1990, to be precise; and every single passing day since that day had carved me into the person I had turned up to be.
“You see, getting married will make you more responsible”, she continued.
“And what if I am not ready? And I end up screwing up the marriage?”, I enquired.
“That won’t happen”, she said. She was so confident about it. “Once you have kids, everything will be alright.You have a girlfriend,right? I think we should talk to her parents…”
Marriage and then kids,according to our parents and relatives, happen to be the answer to all the questions because of so many reasons:
Our previous generations neither had much to expect from life, nor did they have much fun in their lives. The only fun they knew of, was sex. And for most of them, it was not possible until they got married. So, it was mainly getting laid, that got them so obsessed with marriage. And it mostly worked that way. Because, as I said, they didn’t know what else to expect from life. Once they got married, had kids, the burden of responsibilities killed everything in them. And as it worked out in their case, they assume it will work out with us too. Marriage will bring a sense of responsibility in us and that won’t let anything else to fuck up with our brain.
Moreover, our previous generation got married early in their lives, and had kids. Then what? No fun, no excitement. They don’t even realize it until the kids are grown up and leave home for higher studies and then for their jobs. Now, they have nothing to look forward to. So what to do? Aah, lets get them married… It will be so much fun. All these people, food… It is, for them, a grand party.
So they get their kids married. Then? Then they expect them to have kids ASAP for two reasons: a)“Bachhe to bade ho gaye. Ab pota poti ko leke time pass karenge.” b)What will society say if they don’t have kids? They will think that my son is impotent. They will laugh at me. So…
It’s the society who fucks up with our parents’ heads the most. And we have to suffer for that. What if I am still not ready? What if I don’t want to get married at all? And even if I do,what if I don’t want to have kids?
No,no,no… You can’t do that.You can’t live a lonely life.
What if I want to?
No, you can’t. You see, you are the last generation of the dinosaurs…
Society is a bitch…
Anyway, I literally panicked.
“No,no. We just broke up”, I said.
“Why? What went wrong? Anyway, we will look for a beautiful girl for you… Don’t worry. We can also put up ads in the matrimonial columns of our daily newspapers.”
“That sounds great”, I said. She didn’t get the sarcasm though.
There was a time when I’d enjoy reading those matrimonial columns. “School final passed eligible bachelor, looking for a beautiful bride.” Could anything be funnier than this? School final passed eligible bachelor?
As I grew up, I realized what an ugly thing these matrimonial columns are. It’s all about racism, caste-ism and the like… The way they describe the girls- fair complexioned, tall, slender, good at household chores… It’s kind of disgusting. It’s like the family of the bride is saying- “We have a sexually appealing girl for you to make your maid. Take her.” And the family of the grooms- they talk about his salary, where he is settled… It’s so disgusting and demeaning. Moreover, the way there are separate columns for Kshatriyas,Brahmins,Shudra,Vaisya,Muslim,Christian,Jains and so on… I despise it.
“You write, don’t you? Why don’t you write about yourself? We’ll send it to the newspapers tomorrow”, she said.
“Sure. Just give me 10 minutes.”
And I wrote- “23 years old, working in telecom sector, tall and slender, hairy as a monkey, loves beef, drinks a lot.Atheist. Addicted to cigarettes and pornography. Looking for a beautiful girl, preferably like Sunny Leone, experienced in bed.”
I handed it over to her.
“Oh, I forgot my glasses. I will read it at home. And I will ask Tunu’s father (her husband) to drop it at the newspaper’s office tomorrow…”
She never called me again.