Pritam's Blog
On Meaningful Conversations
“How do you feel about Pallabi moving back to her place?” my therapist asked.
“It happened for the best… It was in the plan, you know. I mean we spoke about where we want to be in our 30s years back. And it feels good to see that we are exactly where we wanted to be. Everything worked according to the plan and yet, now that she has moved, I miss her. I miss waking up next to her and seeing her face, our long strolls over the weekend, our gluttony… I miss the scent of her body. And our conversations…,” I said.
“Conversations can happen over phone too…”
“Yes, but it’s not the same, you know. Unlike me, she is so full of expressions… I love looking at her face when we talk… Video calls are frustrating.”
“Hummm, I can understand. You know what? I usually do not pass any strong comments on your life. But I think I should say it,” she said.
“What?”
“So, I was reading your Facebook posts…”
“Wait. You were stalking me on Facebook?” I asked.
“Yes, I was reading your posts,” she replied.
“Nooooo…” I just remembered in one of my posts, I had written that I got huge crush on her. I just hoped she didn’t come across that post. Spoiler alert! She did…
“I know what you are thinking. But we will get back to that later. Anyway, back in 1992-93, I was traveling in Europe with my parents. I was a kid and I do not remember much of the trip. But I vividly remember one particular incident. So, this guy was playing mandolin in the middle of a certain city square. A little girl, seemingly Indian, barely 4-5 years old, stepped forward, dropped a coin on his mandolin case, and then started dancing along with the music. These things are very common in Europe. And yet, it felt surreal in some way - I still remember that feeling. Her dance wasn’t perfect but it wasn’t like the dance of any other kid, randomly throwing their hands in the air and hopping. It was, how do I put it, graceful with all its imperfections… And she seemed to be enjoying it in an extremely sincere and innocent way if you know what I mean. Children dancing is one of the most free spirited things to see. I was mesmerized. And I guess so were most of the people. But after a few minutes, around 70-80 people, people of all ages joined her and started dancing. It was kind of contagious. I will never forget it.”
“I can understand. But what has this incident anything to do with you stalking me on Facebook?” I was confused.
“I was reading about you and Pallabi, about your relationship, and you have written a lot about it, and it, somehow, made me feel the same way as the little girl’s dance did all these years ago.”
“I don’t get it,” I was still confused.
“I don’t know. Most of these writings are basically conversations that you guys have had. And those were so freeing. I mean people usually do not talk about these things, especially, with their partners. You see, romantic relationships are like living in the times of Corona. You always have to put a mask on, even if it’s a fake and useless one or even if you are covering your chin and not your mouth and nose,” she smiled.
“Ok. You are talking like me.”
“Of course, I am. I read around 200 of your posts.”
“Fuck…”
“What?”
“Nothing. I write about our conversations as well. Maybe someday someone else will read them and it will set them free.”
“Maybe… But I think the kind of conversation you guys have is very unique and healthy…”
“I have a theory about romantic relationships. And I came up with it in my early 20s, before I was in a real relationship. You know, I think, romantic relationships start like a volcanic eruption. It’s noisy, fun, masti, drama. But eventually, these things stop. Even sex becomes less frequent. The woman becomes wrinkled and less attractive. The man develops erectile dysfunction. And love, as movies and literature portrays it, dies. In reality, what remains is conversation. So, why not focus on it from the beginning? Focus on the conversation? Real conversation… with no intention of malice or deception. I mean 30 years down the line, if we are still alive and together, that’s what will remain, right? And if we are not used to talking, we will probably end up in two different rooms in the same house, she, turning the pages of a book and I, in front of a computer. DAMN! I miss her!”
She smiled. “It was, indeed, very mature of you to consider this particular aspect of relationships. By the way, even in your 60s, you see yourself just sitting in front of the computer?”
“We are a generation that has spent half of its life in front of the computer. That’s all we know… and are good at.”
“START. GOING. TO. THE. GYM. Working out can help in mood regulations.”
“Lumbar spondylosis. Remember? Why would you? You are a therapist…”
“You want to take that road? I have read your posts and I know…”
“You are so unprofessional…”
“Am I? It’s been three years since you started coming here. I can pull your leg a little,” she chuckled.
“K.bai.”
“Start going to the gym, Pritam. And meet your friends. Make new friends. Life is more than just sitting in front of the computer and working for 12 hours a day.”
“We will talk about that later. Have a meeting to attend. Bye.”