Pritam's Blog
Just Another Relationship
Dear dad,
Every evening, I see this man from my balcony, walking his German Shepherd down the street. He looks rich, healthy and happy; clean-shaven, always smiling.
He is well dressed, and his shoes shine. It seems everything in and around his world is in place, and at peace with him. He looks like the happiest man on earth.
And he reminds me of you. Not because there is any similarity between you and him. It’s just that it reminds me of the dichotomy between the two of you. I see an old man in a torn shirt and crumpled pair of pants, and an old pair of slippers. He hasn’t shaved for days, and diabetes shows its presence in every bit of him… He never smiles. He spends his days sitting in front of his computer, reading news; not that it matters. It’s just that he is wading time… I see you…
And I feel bad.
But the next moment, I feel the cramps in my stomach. I haven’t eaten anything since last morning. And the sadness I felt for you seconds back vanishes… Instead I feel sad for myself.
And I realize that we should stop this blame game, for neither of us looked after each other.
But these cramps in my stomach reminds me of Ruksar, my whore (yes, you read that right, but don’t panic, you are the one who told me that literature needs intense life). I remember she had told me once that she had never been to a rich place, for none of her ‘lovers’ were rich. And I remember taking her once to a three star hotel for a night; I had just sold a painting, and I had money.
And from the window on the fourth floor, I saw the skyline.
“It doesn’t look like a city that could have poor people like you and me… It looks like heaven. It looks like someone, a geometrically talented artist has decorated the city with light. It looks rich,” I said.
She came close to me, and held me tight. And she said, “It’s beautiful. But it reminds me of the most influential memory of your life…”
“What is it?”
“A goldfish circling round and round inside a fish bowl…”
And I realized she loved me…
She died a year and a half back. But I am OK.
It’s just that I feel my relationship with you is nothing but a happy goldfish circling round and round inside a fishbowl.