Pritam's Blog
I Hope I Don’t Get Bored Of Myself
One of the craziest things about me is that I am absolutely comfortable contemplating the most uncomfortable moments of my life, especially the ones where it was my deeds that ultimately led to the discomfort, the embarrassment. I like to relive those moments. It helps me to understand myself better…
Honestly speaking, I find myself damn interesting as a subject for psychological case studies (not in the academic sense though) and it amazes me to see that knowing the person I am supposed to know the most, the good, the bad, and the ugly sides, could be so interesting… I realize how much we ignore our own selves while passing judgements on others…
Of course, I try to to understand other people as well. Even at the cost of embarrassing myself.
But the problem is once I find out the kind of person they are, I get bored of them, unless of course, I develop some real emotional attachment with them, which barely happens…
Nothing touches me these days; I don’t feel anything. Whenever something happens, good or bad, I just relate it to some long lost memory, and I ‘know’ how it feels like and I react that way, the way I am supposed to… Sometimes I don’t even react.
That’s the reason why I try to understand people; it gives me a temporary pleasure, the ones you feel when you solve a difficult puzzle… But once you solve it, the same puzzle doesn’t excite you anymore… You get bored of them…
It’s OK. The world is overpopulated anyway…
But since I am a narcissist, and the subject I love most is my own self, I wonder what will happen once I get to know everything possible about myself?
I hope I don’t kill myself of boredom… I hope I don’t get bored of myself… I hope I don’t stop feeling something new… Anything… Even unhappiness of some sort will do… It just needs to be something new… For it is my thirst for some feeling other than what I have already experienced that keeps me alive…