Pritam's Blog
I Am Existentially Exhausted And I Miss Lucky Ali’s ‘O Sanam’
“I feel we are an existentially exhausted generation,” I said.
“And what makes you feel so?” she asked, my therapist.
“I mean look at us. Even after a hectic day at work, we tend to stay awake till late at night. And we get up late the next day.”
“So?”
“I think we feel the most comfortable at night. That’s the only time of the day, we are not nagged at.”
“And who nags you?”
“Who doesn’t? There’s this constant pressure to outperform yourself. There’s pressure from the family, there’s pressure at work, there’s peer pressure… Maybe they don’t say it out loud or maybe they do. But that’s not the point. I think this feeling of pressure has been programmed into our system at a very early age but we were not taught how to deal with it.”
“Why do you think this happened?” She asked.
“I don’t know. There are multiple factors. But I think one of the reasons is how weird the 90s were…”
“What do you mean?”
“I think there are two main factors, especially, in the Indian context - economic and scientific. Economic liberalization in the 90s coupled with extraordinary advancement in the field of science and technology that reached out to the masses. Our parents did quite well during this period and we, not all of us of course, I mean only the ones from middle class families, grew up with cable channels and computers and video games, and all other luxuries and opportunities that our parents never got. While they had the best interest in mind, they didn’t know how to guide us to live amidst this sudden chaos. I mean, on one hand, they gave us cellphones. On the other, they told us, ’You got everything. You have to get into an IIT. But that won’t happen if you are glued to your cellphone 24*7.’ That a cellphone is more than just texting and social media isn’t something they could contemplate for a long time. So, a certain kind of pressure built up within us at a very young age - to maintain a balance and to do extraordinarily well, despite having no proper guidance… I don’t blame them. The time was like that. But we ended up getting restless and confused. And we got exhausted too soon…”
“This actually makes sense,” she said. “I am happy it’s not one of your ramblings…”
“Come on! Even at my worst, I make sense,” I couldn’t contain the cockiness in me.
“You do… But that’s not always a good thing. You overthink… Anyway, you got all these just because you go to bed late at night?”
“Not just that. There are other things too. For example, we tend to watch the same series again and again. Because it feels safe. You are not that older than me. How many times have you watched FRIENDS?” I asked.
“Am I that predictable?” She smiled. “I still watch it…”
“See? And we, we give up on our relationships too soon… We just don’t have the energy. And sometimes, that too kills us a little.”
“Maybe you are right… Does your past relationships bother you?”
“I am not sure. You see, the sim card I got back in 2006 is still active. I am married to the girl I fell in love with more than a decade ago. I am still working in the same company that I joined in 2017. I think I don’t give up on my relationships soon. And when I do, I usually don’t have regrets…”
“Hummm… But tell me something, where does all these come from?” She asked.
“I was just thinking about reconnecting to my inner child, like we discussed the last time. And I thought of the time I was a kid. And I realized I don’t miss my childhood. But the 90s was a beautiful time despite all these chaos… And listening to Lucky Ali’s ‘O Sanam’ had an altogether different charm on us…”
“I think it’s working, Pritam,” she smiled.
“I know… :)”