Pritam's Blog
I Am Getting Married & Here’s What You Should Know About It - FAQs About My Marriage
Yes. I am getting married.
And ever since I announced it to the few (not necessarily close or important) people I had to, I have been bombarded with dozens of questions of all sorts.
And now, it’s become annoying.
So, I have decided to jot down the answers to these Frequently Asked Questions about my marriage so that I don’t have to repeat myself; I will forward this blog post to them. In fact, I am going to ask my brother to share this link on the family WhatsApp group (thankfully, I am not there).
Anyway, here goes the FAQs:
1. Hey, I thought you didn’t believe in marriage. What happened now?
Ans: Trust me, I still don’t. I love her and she loves me and that’s enough for both of us. I don’t need any approval from my family, the society or the court. And I don’t believe that I have to get married to keep her in my life. She feels the same way.
But unfortunately, the world doesn’t run as per our beliefs. While I don’t give a flying fuck most of the times, there are some things which are not in my hands and cannot be ignored. Like, renting a house. So, yeah… That’s one of the few reasons I am getting married.
2. So, how is it going to be? The wedding?
Ans: Absolutely low key.
We will just sign the papers. Our parents might throw a party later. Of course, I will try my best to not be there. Not for long at least.
3. Well, if you are doing it anyway, why don’t you do it the right way?
Ans: And what’s the right way? Who decides the right way? You? Bunch of idiots who never questioned the status quo? Just because something continued for a long time doesn’t mean it is right.
I don’t think anything is above the constitutional way (not that the constitution makes sense always).
Traditional marriage ceremonies are full of demeaning customs and rituals. For example, the concept of ‘Kanyadaan’. My girlfriend isn’t anybody’s property. No human is anybody’s property.
Then you have to deal with people who literally have no contribution in your life. They show up, pass comments on everything they see. ‘There was too much salt in the chicken.’ ‘Is it real gold? Whatever the bride has put on, is it even real’
I don’t need these people around me. Not on the day I am getting married. Not on any other day.
Lastly, wedding and marriage are not the same. A flashy wedding and a happy marriage are in no way co-related. If anything, a grand wedding puts middle-class people like us in debt - money that we could use on things that matter.
4. What about your friends and other people who matter?
Ans: What about them? I would rather spend some quality time with them, probably, on a lazy Saturday evening. And trust me, the people who I consider really close, who really matter, would prefer that. That’s why they are my people in the first place.
5. Are your parents OK with this arrangement?
Ans: Of course, not. But then again, I am getting married. So, they are relieved.
6. So, she will move back to Bangalore after the marriage?
Ans: Why? Why does she have to move back? Why can’t I move to her place? Because I am a man? And she is a woman? And her career is not as important as mine? Why can’t we be wherever we want or whichever place is good for our respective careers?
Your question reeks of the misgynistic outlook you have.
7. Hummm… How is it going to work then?
Ans: None of your business! If we are OK with it, who are you to question? If things don’t work out, it will be because of people like you who cannot resist poking their nose in matters that do not concern them. And if that happens, if it becomes unbearable, we will just get divorced.
Like I said, we don’t need the husband-wife tag to be in love with each other. The idea is absurd.
If we get divorced, my family won’t be able to put the burden of their unrealistic expectations on her. Likewise, her family won’t be able to expect anything from me. And as divorcees, our value in the market of marriage will go down… So, we will be able to focus on each other without any disturbance.
I hope it answers all your questions…