Pritam's Blog
Aur Bhi Dukh Hain Zamane Mein Mohabbat Ke Siwa
“Pain is a shapeshifter, don’t you think?” I asked my therapist.
“What do you mean?”
“The concept of pain has evolved for me over the years,” I said.
“Tell me in detail.”
“You see, when I was young, somebody told me that to be a good writer, you need to experience extreme pain. That, I think, is complete bullshit. But back in those days, I used to believe it to be true. Have you watched ‘Rockstar’? Like Ranbir in the movie, I used to go out of my way to get hurt, to feel pain of some sort…”
“Did it ever work?”
“No of course. I feel so stupid when I think of those days now. I came up with so many pretentious pieces of writings back in those days…”
“So, what happened after that?”
“Eventually, I experienced pain. There were times when it felt unbearable. And I so wanted to share it with someone.”
She didn’t say anything. I continued, “It’s kind of funny how people assume that it’s always something to do with a girl, or a guy, if you are a girl. As if only heterosexual romantic feelings and relationships have the monopoly over pain. Aur bhi dukh hain zamane mein mohabbat ke siwa…”
“I love Faiz too,” she smiled. “And yes, to most of us, pain comes as a byproduct of romantic love. But of course, there are exceptions.”
“Personally, I feel that’s a very shallow way of portraying pain.”
“You have been in love for like forever. You never experienced any pain in the process?”
“No. I have been in love with two women in my life. And none of them caused me any pain. Not even their rejections caused me any pain. I always thought that loving someone, anyone is my birth right. And it’s their birth right to reject me.”
“Most people don’t feel it that way. It’s unfortunate that people’s feelings of love comes with a very toxic sense of entitlement irrespective of what the other person is feeling, whether or not they are reciprocating.”
“I know. I guess I never considered myself that special… and loveable,” I chuckled. “Personality issues, you see.”
She smiled again. “And now?” She asked.
“Now, I don’t care.”
“And what’s your take on Pain now?”
“I think it’s very personal. I mean I don’t want to share it with anybody. It’s an extremely private thing for me now, something I want to deal with myself.”
“And yet you come here…”
“Oh, I pay you for that. Even though I don’t get what I want.”
“And what is it that you want?”
“Morphine!” I was kidding of course.
“You don’t need it. I think deep inside you love yourself, and the life, in general. And you want to talk about it. You want to tell your stories. And you have plenty of them… stories.”
“And that’s why I come to you? You too think you are special?”
“That’s not what I meant. That you can talk, about yourself, in such a candid manner, is a good thing. It makes my task easier…”
“I will make it difficult for you…”
She smiled. “Go home. Write something.”