Pritam's Blog
And It Feels Good
I am not a cool person. I am boring. There is nothing remarkable about me, look or talent-wise. I don’t fit in most of the places. I don’t have many friends and most of my other relationships suck. I have lived a mediocre life, and in all likelihood, I will die that way. And I am mostly OK with it.
But if there’s one thing I have to pick about my life that makes me special, it would be my relationship with Pallabi, no thanks to me but, if you know what I mean.
I think, to be accepted the way we are, in the truest sense of the word, is one of the best things that can happen to us. And it doesn’t happen very often. I guess I am lucky that way.
I remember thanking you once. Had it not been for you, I wouldn’t have met Pallabi. And even after all these years, it still amazes me to think why, of all people, you gave me her number.
I guess when two emotionally damaged people come together, it could result into something either beautiful or dangerous, maybe even destructive. Thankfully, in our case, it is something beautiful. At least, I see it that way.
But I still write a lot about you and I write it with extreme passion. The few people who read my posts and blog often ask me who you are. “Is she even real?” They ask. I just smile. And they say, “You are so hopeless…” And I keep smiling.
And deep inside, a little part of me wonders why I write these things. Is it a compulsion that I can’t help? I mean I know I am a storyteller and I write about slices of life and love and hope and despair and beauty in small things. That way, writing for me is a compulsion. And yet, I wonder why I need to write about someone I haven’t seen in last 13 years.
Pallabi says, “Nothing hurts more than unsaid words. So, express yourself. Do not worry about what I or anyone else would think.” And she says, “She was your first love. And an unanswered question. A part of you will always remember her with fondness. It’s natural.”
“I love you You are the most amazing person I have come across in my life,” I tell her.
And she says, “Also, I am a gift from her…” She giggles.
And I get goosebumps. And I write. And it feels good.
Life is filmy, isn’t it?