Pritam's Blog
A Friend Request
Early in the morning, maa woke me up. Apparently, I had to clean my room, the bed, the table, the bookshelves. “You are getting married. Make your room a bit more habitable. People will be coming. You don’t have to show off to them that you read a lot.”
“I don’t want people, maa. Also, not many will come. There will be restrictions. The COVID cases are increasing,” I mumbled, still half asleep.
“Pallabi will come. And she will think you are our adopted son,” she declared.
“She won’t.”
I worked till 1 o’clock the previous night. Then I watched a few episodes of a series. By the time, I went to bed, it was 4:30. I had no intention to get up that early. Yet, I did. The crazy lady, my dad’s wife (that’s how I refer to maa when I am mad) won’t let me sleep peacefully.
Anyway, I started off with the shelves. My precious. It’s been ages since I opened them. Here, you can find even the Anandamelas and Shuktaras from my childhood. I have kept everything. These shelves, basically, says a lot about my evolution as a reader and probably as a writer too.
Amidst all these books, I found a few notebooks and other things from school. I don’t know how they got there.
I opened one of them. Seemed like from the time I was in Class 5 or 6. The last few pages had my younger brother’s handwriting. Rhymes and all. Made sense. He is seven years younger than me. So, when I was in Class 4 or 5, he was in KG-2-Class 1. Probably, I was done with the Class and he used the remaining pages to practice writing and all. I felt a bit nostalgic and I wondered how fast he has grown up…
I turned the pages lazily. And I stumbled upon one of my favorite rhymes from childhood, part of which reads:
Robi Mama Dey Haama/ Gaaye Raanga Jama Oi/ Daroaan Gaay Gaan/ Shuno Oi, Rama Hoi…
My brother’s handwriting. But I had struck down ‘Robi Mama’ and instead written your name 🤣
S*****ma Dey Haama/ Gaaye Raanga Jama Oi/ Daaroaan Gaay Gaan/ Shuno Oi, Rama Hoi…
I used to teach him rhymes and all as a kid, used to teach him writing. This was what I was doing? 🤣
Anyway, I dusted the copies, kept them aside, and moved on with the remaining stack of memories. Here, I found two slam books. I couldn’t help but go through the pages. Surprisingly, I didn’t feel anything at all about the people who had filled those pages. Except for one. It was you.
And suddenly, I missed you. As a friend. More importantly, as a human. I felt an overwhelming affection towards you.
And I regretted that I ever proposed to you. Was it necessary? What was it that I was hoping for? I wasn’t even expecting anything from you. I never did. I never believed that to love someone, you need to have that person. That’s why I never even pursued you.
I like to think of myself as an honest and candid person. This is something I am really proud of. I say and write things that I really feel. Especially, when it comes to writing, I am absolutely honest, fearless. And probably that’s why I could even write this one.
But at that moment, I wished I could go back in time and unsay the things I had said to you on that Ashtami night in 2007. Because I think it was one of the reasons why we drifted apart.
Nope. It’s not like we were the best of friends in school. I was a skeptical (I still am) and introvert (not anymore) kid - thanks to all the bullying. Not at all a friendly material. But you had the cutest smile in school that made even Science class feel like Recess. Ok, I am not flirting even though it may sound like I am… 😄 The point is you were good. And I have happy memories of you. And I ruined everything by proposing…
Probably, we would have become great friends over time had I not professed my love for you. Afterall, I am an Aries and you are Sagittarius 😛 Who knows, right? Or maybe we could still find out…
I guess even reading this would be a bit uncomfortable for you. I am sorry. It’s been 13 years. And I have wanted to say these things to you for a long long time. Even a month back, I wouldn’t have dared to send you this. Like I said the other day, a part of me is scared of you…
I hope you don’t mind. I hope you don’t unfriend or block me. It’s just that everybody wants to hold on a part of their childhood. For me, it’s you…