21 April 2019

The Death Of An Artist

What suffered the most due to my total abstinence from alcohol was my ability to create.

I am not looking for any excuse to start drinking all over again but when I was a heavy drinker, I used to write and draw a lot - something that stopped entirely after I stopped drinking, something that I miss a lot.

There were times when I tried to write one of those dark stories I was good at writing or to make a portrait, but the quality of what I came up with was nowhere near what I had created when I was a drunkard.

I have started writing again after almost two years (not the same kind of writings though), but I still can’t draw.

There was a time when I was obsessed with Marilyn Monroe. I would make a sketch of her every other day. The only other face that I never got tired of drawing was that of my girlfriend.

Here is one of the Marilyn Monroe sketches from the archives:

And this is my girl:

And my foot fetish… I still have this fetish; I just can’t make sketches of them anymore.

Here is one more:

I also loved making erotic sketches. Here is one of them:

I guess these are from the last proper series I worked on:

As I was going through my old sketches, I felt an inexplicable pain. I wished I could draw again. I wondered if I would be able to draw if I started drinking.

Just then, the phone rang; it was a video call from my girl. I picked it up and saw her smiling face.

I realized that I could kill the artist in me a thousand times for a smile like this…

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